Inspiring Women Featuring Sylvana Attard
Meet Sylvana Attard
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Introduction
We are honoured to have with us today a remarkable woman, Sylvana Attard, who has been an ambassador for the rainbow community through her journey as a parent of a transgender son. She is a passionate advocate for the rights and well-being of all LGBTIQ+ individuals and has dedicated her time and efforts towards empowering other parents who are navigating similar experiences. Her story is one of love, acceptance, and resilience in the face of adversity. Please join me in welcoming Sylvana Attard, a true inspiration to us all.                Â
The Interview
Can you tell our readers a little bit about yourself?
My name is Sylvana Attard. I use she/ her pronouns. I am the eldest of five siblings. I have been married for 22 years and I got married on my 24th birthday. I am a mother of two teenage boys. My eldest is eighteen and my second child is fifteen years old. I love animals but opt not to have any more pets except for a budgie and a bearded dragon which I named Olga. Because of Olga, I had to start getting fond of roaches (joking), because roaches are her favourite and was advised that they are the most nutritious meals for our bearded dragon.
I am a Summer person, I adore the sun and if it wasn’t for my fear of increasing my pigmentation, I would stay all Summer absorbing the sun. I love swimming and reading. I love advocating for LGBTIQ+ , and use social media to create awareness on this topic whenever possible to compensate for all the hatred going on regarding this community.
My motto in life is ‘Live and let live’. On social media, one reads several comments from keyboard warriors ready to jump to conclusions and show expertise in all topics. I prefer to live and let live. I try to do good in life, help others whenever possible and do my utmost in all circumstances.
Can you tell us about your journey when you first learned that your child is transgender?
I got to know that my first child was transgender when at the age of 11, when he left a letter on my bedside table. My eldest child was assigned as a female at birth. However, at a very young age, he never displayed any interest in what society associates with being a girl. He was interested in football (and neither me or his dad are), scouts, tools, and all the things that we usually relate to boys. His favourite colour was and still is blue. He loathed dresses, skirts, pink and princesses. Since he was still very young, I used to tell my closest relatives that when he grows up he will be lesbian because mistakenly my idea of a lesbian was a woman looking and behaving in what is socially constructed as masculine. My knowledge about sexuality and gender was quite scarce.
How did you feel when your child first came out to you as transgender?
Initially, I thought my child was confusing things. When I read the letter, I was on my own. I remember myself smiling and weeping my heart out while reading, because most of the things he had scribbled with such intensity, I had known them for years. At the same time, I felt confused. Later that day, he asked me if I had read the letter and we sat down and spoke about what he had written. He told me about all the information he had looked up on the internet and explained to me about the medical transition. Honestly, I cried my eyes out. It is not easy in the beginning. I used to re-read the letter and cry over and over again. I think my main concern was the medical transition. On the other hand, we knew no one who could help us and I did not know where to start from. At that time he did not want me and his dad to tell anyone and we respected his decision. So we left everything there untouched for another two years. We never discussed it again but I knew that he was going through hell. He was going through puberty and he was experiencing gender dysphoria. He quit swimming lessons, used bandages to minimise his chest and spent hours and hours playing music. Music had become his way of escapism. Until one day, he called me in his room and he told me these exact words, ‘Mum, we have to do something. I cannot handle this anymore’ and he started crying. I knew that I needed to take immediate action and since I did not know where to start from, I called his paediatrician. And the beautiful journey of my child finding himself began.
How did you initially cope with the news and how did your family react?
Initially, it was not easy. We did not tell anyone apart from my sister. So we kept it all to ourselves until we tried to figure out what was happening. Infact, we only told our relatives when my child wanted to be addressed with the new chosen name, Miles Alexander and the new pronouns he/him. I must admit that my realtives were supportive (all in their own way). Honestly, we did not ask for any approval but we communicated the preferred changes and they adapted to the new situation without questioning too much.
In such situations, the least worrying part is how others are going to embrace these changes, although having a supportive family makes things easier. But as a parent, the main focus should be the well-being of the child, other siblings and the closest family.
What are some of the biggest challenges you faced as a parent of a transgender child?
Being a parent of a transgender child is a journey. It takes time to adjust to the new changes. So, one must remember not to be too harsh on oneself.
 There are several challenges that a parent encounters. In the beginning of this journey, a parent can experience multiple challenges. Sharing the coming out of your child with relatives, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances might be a challenge in itself.
As a parent I accompanied my son to all his appointments, repeated his story with medicals and other professionals several times. And at the beginning of this journey a parent is so vulnerable, I used to cry every time I recounted his childhood. I do not blame anyone because one must consider that there is a medical transition.
I must admit that the most challenging part was letting go of my daughter. I experienced a great feeling of loss; I still mourn my daughter. But as I once wrote on my social media portal ‘My daughter has gone, but she gave me a son’ and I am grateful she did. My son is happy, my daughter wasn’t. She never felt comfortable in her own skin. One thing everyone remarked when my son socially transitioned was how happy he looked. And for me what is mostly important is his well-being and his happiness.
 As parents, we all face several challenges whether you have a transgender child or not. What is most important, is the well-being of our children. Obstacles come secondary and supportive parents often find courage and means to overcome these obstacles.
How did you find support and resources for yourself and your child during the transition process?
My son found a lot of support through the Gender well-being clinic. A group of professionals including therapists, psychiatrists, endocrinologists, and other professionals support transgender individuals and their families throughout this journey.
As a family we also attend monthly meetings held by the Rainbow Family Network. We meet same-sex couples, other parents of transgender, gay or non-binary children and other individuals from the LGBTIQ+ community. We try to support each other by sharing our experiences and the challenges our children and us as parents encounter.
My child’s transition was and still is a learning experience. I try to keep up with what is going on both locally and abroad where LGBTIQ+ community is concerned. I read books and try to keep up with new vocabulary. In the beginning of my child’s journey, I was totally unaware of so many things.
Can you share some of the most valuable lessons you’ve learned from raising a transgender child?
The power of a parent’s love exceeds one’s expectations. I think that I never thought that I was strong enough to face all these challenges. I meet supportive parents and I witness the marvellous changes that as parents we go through. I have met parents who were full of fear and discomfort and now they are pro-active in this community, embracing the changes of their children and advocating for LGBTIQ+ individuals.
Loving unconditionally our children can lead to wonderful things.
What advice would you give to other parents who have just learned that their child is transgender and might be struggling to come to terms with their child’s gender identity?
My advice is to seek help and support for all the family members. Sometimes, as parents, we might fear that if we seek support, our kids will be exposed, and we might think that this might be probably a phase or as some unfortunately mistakenly state ‘a phase’.
 MGRM and the gender well-being clinic offers safe places for these individuals. So, do reach out for help and support.
 It may be tough in the beginning, but things will eventually fall into place.
Support your child, no matter what. Help your child to find themselves. After all, ‘If us parents, do not embrace and love our kids unconditionally, who else will?’
How do you use your personal story to raise awareness and advocate for the LGBTQ+ community?
It all started with a co-incidence. When we celebrated my son’s first name-day (when he legally changed his name) with a small rainbow cake, just the four of us, Miles filmed a short clip of himself speaking. He uploaded the footage on Tik Tok and in a few days we were seeing this video on Facebook shared by several personalities and news portal pages. A few days later, we were contacted by a journalist and asked if we would like to share our story for the 8 pm news. My first thought was like ‘U iva, I don’t think many people still watch the news!’ I was totally wrong. That same day, we were all over Facebook and the short clip uploaded by the journalist was viewed by thousands of people. I remember myself preparing my son that we might be receiving nasty comments or messages. But once again, I was wrong. I was receiving many messages from mums of transgender or gay kids sharing their concerns and pain. I remember one mother that texted me and claimed how difficult it was becoming for her even to see the physical changes in the appearance of her son.
I never thought that sharing our story would actually help other parents but, on some occasions, we encounter families that claim that our story have helped them to embrace and accept their child.
What kind of changes do you hope to see in society to better support and protect transgender people?
I would like that people are more cautious when they write comments on social media portals. Now that EuroPride is approaching, we encounter several posts full of hateful comments. I think that people comment in that way because of fear of the unknown.
People speak as if LGBTIQ+ individuals have some sort of contagious disease, other associate these people with paedophiles and say that they want to influence young children. I often wonder if these keyboard warriors had LGBTIQ+ children, how would they react and how much their children would suffer.
Most youths encounter several hardships throughout their teenage years, why do some people have to make things even more difficult?
What message would you like to share with other parents of transgender children, and what do you want them to know?
Be strong! Your child needs your love and support. Take care of yourself and the rest of your family! Ignore hateful comments and always try to educate others politely whenever possible. Empower your children to be strong enough to face any situation that they might encounter. Be a listening ear to your child and always keep in mind that our children are individuals who need to construct their own lives.
Can you describe the role that education played in your journey as the parent of a transgender child?
Although I love to advocate for the LGBTIQ+ community, I believe that my role as a learning support educator are two different things. If I were asked to explain things or to offer any contacts for students in this community to be supported, I would willingly do so with much pleasure.
Many students know that I have a transgender son and some are even curious and ask indirect questions but I am always very cautious on what to reply. Although both me and my son are more than happy to share our story, I try to keep my private life separate from my role as a learning support educator.
Can you discuss any unique challenges you faced as a parent of a transgender child, particularly related to healthcare or legal issues?
Fortunately, due to what other activists in this community who have worked hard to obtain what we have today, we have not encountered any big difficulties. My son, legally changed his name when he was sixteen years of age. The procedure is very simple and all one needs to do is to sign a contract at a public notary. If my son wanted to change his name before the age of sixteen, the procedure is that one has to go to court.
At the age of sixteen, my son started hormonal replacement therapy. Prior to that, he was administered puberty blockers as one cannot be administered hormone replacement therapy before the age of sixteen.
In Malta, this community can obtain the medication from the POYC. Gender-affirming surgeries like top surgeries are happening at Mater Dei.
In your experience, what are some common misconceptions or misunderstandings that people have about transgender individuals, and how do you address them?
One great misconception is that gender-affirming surgeries are cosmetic surgeries. Gender-affirming surgeries are life savers and are reported to improve mental health and quality of life… Transgender people often suffer from gender dysphoria because there is a mismatch between their biological sex and their gender identity.
Moreover, some people struggle to understand the difference between biological sex, gender identity and sexuality. I have encountered several posts on social media that clearly demonstrates that most people mingle and mix the three things together.
And finally, what are some of the most important steps that society can take to better support transgender individuals and their families?
Most importantly, I think that society needs to educate itself, be aware of the struggles and the needs of transgender individuals, use more inclusive language and teach one’s children to embrace diversity but most of all lead by example.
Dearest Sylvana,
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Having a background in child development I have an appreciation of the message you send. One of unconditional Love that respects an individual’s identity. Please keep us updated on your journey.
Warm Regards,Â
