Let’s Talk… Toxic Masculinity: Reader’s Responses
Let's Talk...
Toxic Masculinity: Reader's Responses
We received your responses to our article Let’s Talk… Toxic Masculinity
@Dear-Donna we appreciate diversity in thoughts and we want to create a space where this is possible.
We thank everyone (men and women included) that wrote to us.
This is what our readers had to say...
@Pippins wrote:
Agree with everything you said and couldn’t have put it better, to be honest.
Toxic masculinity is usually a word that men hear and roll their eyes at because they think it’s all nonsense but it’s actually a very real problem that they face as well as others.
There are actual studies showing that suppressing emotions can lead to more mental health issues, and it’s particularly the reason why men gravitate towards substances and alcohol more than women for example. So, this guy is talking nonsense.
Being a man or a woman doesn’t change the way your psyche processes emotions, holding them back does nothing but create more problems in the long run. There is no real man or real woman. The way we portray ourselves to the world is all a costume, like there is literally no ‘REAL’ anything, people are just people.
A literary critic, Judith Butler, talks about this in a lot of her work and she’s right. The funniest thing is that men are following Andrew Tate because they feel ‘seen’ and ‘heard’ but all this guy is doing is creating a bigger division in society that doesn’t need to be any bigger honestly. To say men have it harder when they do not experience the day-to-day hardships we experience is ridiculous. I don’t go around pretending I know what it’s like to be a man, because I don’t.
I recognise that there are some things that men experience that we don’t and that there are some hardships that are individual to them. But then, don’t act like you know what it’s like to be a woman, because you don’t. You have never spent a day in your life being worried that someone is going to rape you if you’re walking alone at night! You’re never undermined in your workplace simply because you’re a woman! You didn’t have to fight for the right to vote! You didn’t have to fight to take control of what the government decides YOU can do with your own body!
To say men have it harder than women is so far from the truth it’s like he’s blind. Also, this guy literally believes that if a woman is raped it’s partly her fault. Like what kind of role model is he!? He’s made really terrible comments about raping women on Twitter. The fact that so many boys are in love with him is so concerning.
Do you want to see the rate of domestic violence towards women Mr Tate? it’s way higher than it is towards men. Women get killed and raped left, right and centre, but men have it hard because they have to ‘be strong’?
As far as I know, the narrative is mostly coming from people who think just like you, definitely not from anyone who actually has the ability to think critically.
@Dear-Donna replies:
Pippins thank you for your input. You have raised some good points.
@DaKing wrote:
Andrew Tate is a real alpha male, he’s confident, successful, and knows how to get what he wants. His mindset and work ethic are inspiring. I want to be like him. He doesn’t make excuses and he always goes after what he wants. I can learn a lot from him.
People tend to take small quotes that Andrew makes and misunderstand his messages. They don’t see how loving and protective he is towards his niece. I don’t think he is a bad person he is just speaking the truth.
@Dear-Donna replies:
DaKing, you mentioned good work ethic, self-confidence, success, and being protective of loved ones, these are all good qualities to aim for if you are going through a personal growth journey. Yes, I agree. What I find to be problematic is marginalising groups of people at the cost of gaining these ‘good’ qualities. One cannot use hate speech and then say I’ve done so for their own good because I know better. His statements are contentious and are meant to disparage women’s worth.
Definition of hate speech:
Hate speech is speech or language that offends, threatens, or insults a particular person or group based on their race, ethnicity, national origin, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, or other characteristics. Hate speech can take many forms, including derogatory slurs, dehumanizing language, threats of violence, or expressions of contempt.
The United Nations defines hate speech as “any kind of communication in speech, writing or behaviour, that attacks or uses pejorative or discriminatory language with reference to a person or a group on the basis of who they are, in other words, based on their religion, ethnicity, nationality, race, colour, descent, gender or other identity factors.”
@Cry_me_a_river_man wrote:
As a man, I think it’s important to be vulnerable and express your emotions. Society often tells us (men) that men should be tough and unemotional, but that’s not healthy or sustainable. It’s okay to cry, to ask for help, and to show your softer side.
@Dear-Donna replies:
Yes, it is okay to cry, ask for help, and to show your softer side, no matter what gender you identify with.
@Becca wrote:
It’s also worth noting that toxic masculinity is often perpetuated through media and popular culture. For example, movies and TV shows often portray men as emotionless, aggressive, and dominant, reinforcing harmful stereotypes about masculinity. By being more critical of the media we consume, we can help to challenge these harmful narratives and promote healthier definitions of masculinity.
@Dear-Donna replies:
Thank you for your input, Becca. You have raised some good points.
@Lost_in_Space wrote:
One important step towards challenging toxic masculinity is to create spaces for men to talk openly about their emotions and experiences. This can help to break down the stigma around mental health and emotional expression and allow men to form deeper and more meaningful connections with others.
@Dear-Donna replies:
Lost-in-Space, thank you for writing in. You gave us something to think about. In the near future, we will create this space on our website because we understand the importance.
@The_Gentleman wrote:
I as a man reject Andrew Tate’s views. I believe that consent is essential in all sexual encounters. It’s not enough to assume that someone is okay with what you’re doing or to pressure them into doing something they’re not comfortable with. Respect for boundaries and open communication is key.
I personally want my partner to feel safe around me, to see me as her equal, not someone forced to submit. I hope that all women understand that Andrew Tate does not speak on behalf of all men.
P.S. Well done Don for creating this space. I eagerly await more.
@Dear-Donna replies:
The_gentleman, thank you for your kind words.
I do not speak on behalf of all women, however, I can offer my own personal opinion. I think Andrew Tate is the exception, not the rule. I do not think all men treat women in the same manner that Mr Tate does. He has however put himself in a place of influence and is creating a new wave of hate against women.
@I_sometimes_lose_faith_in_humanity wrote:
The example of Andrew Tate and his controversial views on masculinity serves as a reminder that toxic masculinity still exists and can have harmful consequences.
I agree that it is essential to critically evaluate and consider multiple perspectives when forming an opinion on any public figure or their views.
@Dear-Donna replies:
Thank you for your response. I think if we actively engage in conversations that offer multiple perspectives we can reduce the harmful consequences of such extreme ideologies.
